Waiting is...

"Steadfastness, that is holding on;
patience, that is holding back;
expectancy, that is holding the face up;
obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do;
listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear."
S.D. Gordon

Be Encouraged.

I do not claim to know everything... or anything... about you...
I do not claim to know much about your yesterdays... or how they brought you to today.
I do not claim to know any of your dreams... or fears...
I do not claim to know your favourite colour or what you like to do with your spare time.
I do not claim to know your opinions about this or feelings about that...
I do not claim to understand exactly what it is you're going through or why you're going through it.
I do not claim to be able to fix anything.
I do not claim to be your answer.

This is what I claim, this is what I know:

You are a wonderful human being. You are witty. You are NOT a waste of space. You are intelligent. You are vital. You are bold.You are NOT a screw up. You are cherished. You are beautiful and You havn't disgraced anyone. You are accepted, You are loved... Not because of anything in particular you've done, or havn't done... just because of who you are...

Do not live in "shoulda, woulda, coulda."
What's done is done.
You've made mistakes... but honestly, who hasn't!?
What happened happened and yeah... there are consequences...
but too, there is forgiveness and mercy... and justice.

Let truth be the platform that allows you to receive the grace that has your name all over it.

Let hope propel you into your future.

Don't let shame or guilt consume your precious mind and don't let hatred get tangled up in your precious heart.

I encourage you to let this situation that you've found yourself in become a catalyst from negative to positive;
from darkness to light; from pain to freedom...

For what it's worth
I'm proud of you. I'm proud of your courage. I'm proud that you're beginning to face everything that you are afraid of and bring things out into the open. I'm proud that you're not taking the seeming "easy way out..." I'm proud that you're not giving up.

You're stronger than you know.
As you come to see that this season, which may seem to be a hard, unfair, perplexing season...
is such an opportunity for victory; you will also see how much you have grown and changed for good...

Let it be so.

Be encouraged.
You are going to be able to look back on this time and see God's faithfulness and providence.
You will see how He truly is holding your life in the palms of His hands.
You will see that He has not failed or abandoned you...
You will see how He can work every thing into a good thing (Let Him!)

May you truly learn what it is to let joy be your strength.
May you truly be saturated with peace, not heartache.
May you truly know what it is to let God swap the ashes and re clothe you in beauty.

May you dance.
May you laugh.
May you sing.
May you shine.
May you dream.

I'm excited for what your future holds.

p.s it's ok for you to be too!

realignment

I can't begin to describe to you how amazingly hyper and excited and full of joy I have been for the most part of this last week!
God is so good!
Even in the midst of seemingly adverse and ridiculous situations...
I love how constant He is.
I love letting joy be my strength!
I love learning to recognise when my attitudes and perspectives need readjusting... and then seeing and feeling the difference.
I love seeing my prayers answered right before my very eyes!
I love not focusing on my hurts and disappointments and frustrations. I feel so much lighter!
And it's not even that I'm ignoring that I do get hurt and disappointed and frustrated... I do... all of the above!
But... I guess it's just not as big of a deal because I'm learning to just... let God be God. Always. Not my circumstances. I love the difference in people's responses in certain situations depending on my attitude towards them...
Generally I find that when you speak and act with geniune love, its more difficult for them to be angry or rude or hurtful back (most times...)
I love being known and recognised as a source of encouragement.
I prayed that... That I would be known as a source of encouragement and good things... And seriously. I'm not just writing that to big myself up or say how amazing I am lol!
I'm proving the point that the closer I get to God, the more I allow myself to fall in love with Him... the more I give Him permission to use me and work within me, the more I do. And the more He does...
And the more I become like Him.
And the easier it is for me not to focus on the things that irk me about people.
And I find it easier to hear His voice, maybe partly cause my head isn't cluttered with complaints and things that need to change about everything and everyone...(and myself!)

I want everybody to know about God's overwhelming goodness.
I want everybody to know about God's indescribable peace.
I want everybody to know about the inexplicable peace that only God can give.

I also want to put across that I'm very very very aware that life is not perfect.
And that horrible things do happen.
And I am not perfect. I couldn't claim to be if I tried.
I do not handle situations or act/react in effective ways all the time.
I do not always know how to respond to people sometimes...
I am learning.
Always with the learning.
But I love it.

I don't know heaps of theological answers and wouldn't be good at intellectual debates about... anything...
ha.
What I know is what I know. I don't claim to know any more than that.
I know the difference that God has made and is continually making in my life.
I know what it's like to live with Him and I know what it's like to live without Him.
I know which one I prefer.
I know which one hurts less.
And which one makes more sense.

Sometimes I realise that I use a lot of cliche phrases.
I just don't have other words to explain stuff...
I don't want to be a cliche.
I hope I am not.
I just sometimes can't find the right way to put stuff in a way that it hasn't already been said.
I've never been more alive.
I never felt so free.
It's funny to me that the more I know the God, the more I want to know... The more I need to know.

One thing I find hard is how to act in a situation that I'm uncomfortable in though.

I'm so excited about this new season of life that I'm crossing into... I feel like I'm leaving one and entering another.

And it just so happens to coincide with finishing my journal! I've noticed that as a little bit of a recurring pattern, that journals and seasons go hand in hand...

Today I found my prayer for this next season... Well, for the rest of my life really.
But it's so applicable to now.
It's by St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so
much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born
to eternal life.

giving>receiving

So, I'm more and more discovering the beauty of encouragement.
Sometimes, when I'm having a really crappy day... all I want... is to hear some nice things... maybe about something I'm doing right, or something nice about myself... or just something that will make me feel good.
lol! When I write it out it makes me feel so selfish =P
Today was one such day and an example of to give is to receive.
A series of crazy nonsenical events took place all day
leaving me feeling like crap.
All I wanted to do was sit in my dark room and feel sorry for myself at the unfairness of certain situations and eat loads of junk food... etc.
Instead I journalled and prayed and inspired by Leanne's post that I blogged about yesterday,
I decided to praise God for everything He HAS done and all that He IS doing and such things...
Shortly I after, I called a friend for a phone date that we'd arranged yesterday...
It was SO good to hear her voice... but after a while she started talking about some things that she's going through and words started tumbling out of my soul and I was just encouraging her I guess...
I wont write anything more specific... other than by allowing God to encourage her through me, I hung up the phone feeling encouraged myself! By focusing on the goodness of God and letting Him use me... all my cares and worries and hurts just... lifted.
I am reminded of my desire to be a constant source of encouragement and life.
Infact, while I was journalling today that was my prayer.
I love how faithful God is!!!
I'm so excited!
And I just wanted to encourage you to be men and women of encouragement regardless of feelings and situations....

"You'll not likely go wrong here if you keep remembering that our Master said, 'You're far happier giving than getting.'"
Acts 20:35 (message)

Good.

I wish I knew more about html and could post a video straight from youtube to here.
If I could... it would be this one.
Freya and I were kind of talking last night about how funny it is when you hear a song... and then don't hear it for months... or years... and then hear it a lot in a short space of time.
Tisha and her friends REALLY like that song.
It blows my mind too.

The sun is shining today! It kind of did briefly yesterday... but after it had rained already.
Today its just been blue skies since morning! It makes a glorious change! (Even though, actually I like the rainy, grey weather sometimes!)

I just read an awesome blog post by my amazing friend, Leanne.
-She was my team leader on the first missions team I was on... Team Charis... In March 07... We went around England and Wales for a month. She amazed me then... She amazes me even more now! Even if she does think I'm a city girl for not being able to lift a wheelbarrow =P Her sister, Natalie, who was on the team also... She is pretty much amazing too! And she likes knock knock jokes... and answering phones... -

But yes. Read the post...It's about how praise needs to take up the majority of our time... not "personal petitions" which are ok... but shouldn't be our main focus.

She writes:

"Praise and worship should be the largest part of my life. Why is this!? Well, I think it's because personal petitions can easily tip into the selfish pool, making my quiet times more about ME than God. Therefore, as I determined to worship and praise the Lord throughout the day, my eyes were not so focused on ME but on Christ"

Wow. It's so true huh? How our time set aside for God can still become about ourselves? I just remembered one of aLie's songs... Listen to Remind Me
I loved it the first time I heard it... and it still speaks to me everytime I listen to it.

Tisha and I have been asked to sing on sunday night... Josh asked if we could do Rest In You by Hillsong United. I'll try to get it recorded...

Man. I'm so encouraged and inspired. Today I feel like I could take on the world!
Bring. It. On.

Ha.
So, I just was thinking about how God's goodness makes life worth living.
So I went to biblegatway.com
and typed in "God's goodness" and read this
and said "wow!"
out loud.
----

Colossians 1:4-5 (Amplified Bible)

⁴For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus [the leaning of your entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness] and of the love which you [have and show] for all the saints (God's consecrated ones),

⁵Because of the hope [of experiencing what is] laid up ^]reserved and waiting) for you in heaven. Of this [hope] you heard in the past in the message of the truth of the Gospel,

---

I think that just blew my mind.
Faith in Jesus - Leaning our ENTIRE personality on Him in ABSOLUTE trust and confidence in His power, wisdom and goodness.

Now there's a challenge if I ever heard one! To lean our entirety on who He is.
And not what we want. Or think should happen. Or what life throws our way.
Just on who He is.
He is constant.
And stable.
And secure.
And More Than Enough.

inspired discoveries

You know when you listen to a song you love... but you'd almost forgotten about... but then hear it and are blown away... again?
And it's funny how a song can take you to different places and memories.

Also.... isn't it crazy how you can be going through so much on the inside... so much change and painful (but beautiful) heart surgery... yet be so inspired and excited?!

I love that it's 2:30am and I just got hungry.
It's funny that I'm awake right now. I'm tired... but even more excited. Weird.

I'm glad that I'm not bored with life anymore. I'm glad I'm not sitting at home all day doing nothing but perusing the facebook world...!
I don't have a job yet, but time is being used and not wasted.

It's funny how I can be so vulnerable and sensitive but seemingly at the same time so disconnected yet so inspired, so irritated... so peaceful... So challenged... so tired... so rested, secure yet desperate for more...so complete yet so raw...

The time has come to stand for all we believe in.

If everything I said was a lyric, what song would I be singing?

It's sad to me that some Christians do not know the reality of God.

I like meeting new people. I am always wondering about people's life stories.

What does collision theory mean? I wrote it into a song... but I'm not even sure it makes any sense.

I can't stop listening to John and aLie's myspaces.

Tomorrow is pancake day. My favourite pancakes are probably ones with nutella... i don't like lemon and sugar.

I'm meeting an old friend for coffee tomorrow. I'm excited for starbucks!

I just realised part of why I'm awake... Tonight at band practise Tina made some epic coffee...

I can't wait to get a new camera! I don't know how or when... but I just know I can't wait.

The Bible College students from church are leaving for India in a couple of hours... They'll be gone for 3 weeks... It'll be weird not having them around... but I just know that God is going to do some amazingly epic things in their hearts while they're away...

I just figured out that I am craving a ham and chip (crisps) sandwich... lol!

GOD IS SO GOOD!
Just all the time.
Even when I'm not... especially when I'm not.

These past couple of days I've been re-reading 2 Corinthians 12... It's sweet.

Especially the bit:

^7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

(2 Corinthians 12:7-10 The Message)

I feel as though I'm always just learning and re-learning how to "let Christ take over..." certain situations... but what a Beautiful lesson to learn and discovery to find!

Driving in the fast lane.

So, I was going through some old journals and I found an entry from friday 31st october...
I had just taken Nadine to Stansted airport... I'd got back NY the week before and Nadine had spent the week at my house...
So this is my entry. It made me laugh.

3:15pm
I'm driving on the M25 (That's one of the main motorways/highways in England)
I just dropped Nadine off at Stansted and have to rush home cause mum needs the car at 5.
This is a good time (well, sort of...!) to process and I was just thinking in rhyme so I thought what better time and place to make an attempt at my spoken word mission than while I'm driving in the fast lane?!

I am human.
I have flaws.
There are still major parts of my character which are so torn,
kind of like my favourite pair of jeans, really...
Sometimes I chew my gum too loud.
Sometimes my problem is that I am being selfish and proud.
As I tranfer the ink of this pen to this paper,
time is ticking - it's getting later and later.
I look at the clock. It's 3:37...
It would be.
I have a deadline.
I have to be at a certain place at a certain time.
And everytime I get into the rhythm of writing this rhyme
I realise that I look like I'm talking to myself.
I've been thinking.
Thinking past jeans and past gum...
Thinking about the one who sees me through eyes
filled with mercy and love.
I've been thinking
and
I wish I could adaquately and eloquently
capture with words
a glimpse of who He is.
But alas.
I cannot.
There is too much that my finite mind couldn't understand
even if I tried.

So, it definately is unfinished. And random. But so is writing whilst driving. And it's a very stupid idea. Which I will not repeat. I hope my mum doesn't ever read this =P

I have so much to write. I really need to sleep though. It's been a loooonnngg couple of weeks.
I just came online cause I had some Israel Houghton songs in my head that I needed to get out of my system before trying to sleep!

God's goodness blows my mind.

The last couple of days have been intense. And hard. But I'm dealing with things. Not just over analysing, and not thinking about the how to of actually dealing with things... I'm being productive haha! And freaking A. It's hard. And I'm having to deal with more things than I even knew existed... which is intense. And I feel raw. And hyper sensitive. And like I want to cry and never stop because of what has been unjust and is not fair. But that's neither practical or beneficial. I guess I'm at the stage inbetween knowing and doing what it means to truly take captive thoughts and feelings.
And sometimes I can feel myself almost shutting myself off, even in... especially in... group settings... more than I can remember doing before... But I'm clinging on with everything I am, with everything I have because i WILL have victory.
I'm determined to ride this wave out. I don't even think that's a phrase. If it's not, it should be =P
I just got off the phone a little while ago with a friend and we didnt even talk about specific things that are going on in eachother's lives... Mostly we talked about the goodness of God.
It made me remember all the incredible things He's done already... and excited for the outcome of this season. And excited to be in it.

My laptop's about to die and I left the charger in my room (I'm sat out in the hallway so I don't disturb Tish and Smucker who are both sleeping in there -It's after 1:30am)

so I'm gonna post this and go to bed.

God's goodness is more than enough.
When that starts to sink in, it's enough to flood me with a crazy kind of excitement and joy.

None of the rubbish matters... God does.

"Though trouble's hard, it's only momentary."

Listen to the song "There is a Day - Phatfish."