Driving in the fast lane.

So, I was going through some old journals and I found an entry from friday 31st october...
I had just taken Nadine to Stansted airport... I'd got back NY the week before and Nadine had spent the week at my house...
So this is my entry. It made me laugh.

3:15pm
I'm driving on the M25 (That's one of the main motorways/highways in England)
I just dropped Nadine off at Stansted and have to rush home cause mum needs the car at 5.
This is a good time (well, sort of...!) to process and I was just thinking in rhyme so I thought what better time and place to make an attempt at my spoken word mission than while I'm driving in the fast lane?!

I am human.
I have flaws.
There are still major parts of my character which are so torn,
kind of like my favourite pair of jeans, really...
Sometimes I chew my gum too loud.
Sometimes my problem is that I am being selfish and proud.
As I tranfer the ink of this pen to this paper,
time is ticking - it's getting later and later.
I look at the clock. It's 3:37...
It would be.
I have a deadline.
I have to be at a certain place at a certain time.
And everytime I get into the rhythm of writing this rhyme
I realise that I look like I'm talking to myself.
I've been thinking.
Thinking past jeans and past gum...
Thinking about the one who sees me through eyes
filled with mercy and love.
I've been thinking
and
I wish I could adaquately and eloquently
capture with words
a glimpse of who He is.
But alas.
I cannot.
There is too much that my finite mind couldn't understand
even if I tried.

So, it definately is unfinished. And random. But so is writing whilst driving. And it's a very stupid idea. Which I will not repeat. I hope my mum doesn't ever read this =P

I have so much to write. I really need to sleep though. It's been a loooonnngg couple of weeks.
I just came online cause I had some Israel Houghton songs in my head that I needed to get out of my system before trying to sleep!

God's goodness blows my mind.

The last couple of days have been intense. And hard. But I'm dealing with things. Not just over analysing, and not thinking about the how to of actually dealing with things... I'm being productive haha! And freaking A. It's hard. And I'm having to deal with more things than I even knew existed... which is intense. And I feel raw. And hyper sensitive. And like I want to cry and never stop because of what has been unjust and is not fair. But that's neither practical or beneficial. I guess I'm at the stage inbetween knowing and doing what it means to truly take captive thoughts and feelings.
And sometimes I can feel myself almost shutting myself off, even in... especially in... group settings... more than I can remember doing before... But I'm clinging on with everything I am, with everything I have because i WILL have victory.
I'm determined to ride this wave out. I don't even think that's a phrase. If it's not, it should be =P
I just got off the phone a little while ago with a friend and we didnt even talk about specific things that are going on in eachother's lives... Mostly we talked about the goodness of God.
It made me remember all the incredible things He's done already... and excited for the outcome of this season. And excited to be in it.

My laptop's about to die and I left the charger in my room (I'm sat out in the hallway so I don't disturb Tish and Smucker who are both sleeping in there -It's after 1:30am)

so I'm gonna post this and go to bed.

God's goodness is more than enough.
When that starts to sink in, it's enough to flood me with a crazy kind of excitement and joy.

None of the rubbish matters... God does.

"Though trouble's hard, it's only momentary."

Listen to the song "There is a Day - Phatfish."