giving>receiving

So, I'm more and more discovering the beauty of encouragement.
Sometimes, when I'm having a really crappy day... all I want... is to hear some nice things... maybe about something I'm doing right, or something nice about myself... or just something that will make me feel good.
lol! When I write it out it makes me feel so selfish =P
Today was one such day and an example of to give is to receive.
A series of crazy nonsenical events took place all day
leaving me feeling like crap.
All I wanted to do was sit in my dark room and feel sorry for myself at the unfairness of certain situations and eat loads of junk food... etc.
Instead I journalled and prayed and inspired by Leanne's post that I blogged about yesterday,
I decided to praise God for everything He HAS done and all that He IS doing and such things...
Shortly I after, I called a friend for a phone date that we'd arranged yesterday...
It was SO good to hear her voice... but after a while she started talking about some things that she's going through and words started tumbling out of my soul and I was just encouraging her I guess...
I wont write anything more specific... other than by allowing God to encourage her through me, I hung up the phone feeling encouraged myself! By focusing on the goodness of God and letting Him use me... all my cares and worries and hurts just... lifted.
I am reminded of my desire to be a constant source of encouragement and life.
Infact, while I was journalling today that was my prayer.
I love how faithful God is!!!
I'm so excited!
And I just wanted to encourage you to be men and women of encouragement regardless of feelings and situations....

"You'll not likely go wrong here if you keep remembering that our Master said, 'You're far happier giving than getting.'"
Acts 20:35 (message)

Good.

I wish I knew more about html and could post a video straight from youtube to here.
If I could... it would be this one.
Freya and I were kind of talking last night about how funny it is when you hear a song... and then don't hear it for months... or years... and then hear it a lot in a short space of time.
Tisha and her friends REALLY like that song.
It blows my mind too.

The sun is shining today! It kind of did briefly yesterday... but after it had rained already.
Today its just been blue skies since morning! It makes a glorious change! (Even though, actually I like the rainy, grey weather sometimes!)

I just read an awesome blog post by my amazing friend, Leanne.
-She was my team leader on the first missions team I was on... Team Charis... In March 07... We went around England and Wales for a month. She amazed me then... She amazes me even more now! Even if she does think I'm a city girl for not being able to lift a wheelbarrow =P Her sister, Natalie, who was on the team also... She is pretty much amazing too! And she likes knock knock jokes... and answering phones... -

But yes. Read the post...It's about how praise needs to take up the majority of our time... not "personal petitions" which are ok... but shouldn't be our main focus.

She writes:

"Praise and worship should be the largest part of my life. Why is this!? Well, I think it's because personal petitions can easily tip into the selfish pool, making my quiet times more about ME than God. Therefore, as I determined to worship and praise the Lord throughout the day, my eyes were not so focused on ME but on Christ"

Wow. It's so true huh? How our time set aside for God can still become about ourselves? I just remembered one of aLie's songs... Listen to Remind Me
I loved it the first time I heard it... and it still speaks to me everytime I listen to it.

Tisha and I have been asked to sing on sunday night... Josh asked if we could do Rest In You by Hillsong United. I'll try to get it recorded...

Man. I'm so encouraged and inspired. Today I feel like I could take on the world!
Bring. It. On.

Ha.
So, I just was thinking about how God's goodness makes life worth living.
So I went to biblegatway.com
and typed in "God's goodness" and read this
and said "wow!"
out loud.
----

Colossians 1:4-5 (Amplified Bible)

⁴For we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus [the leaning of your entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness] and of the love which you [have and show] for all the saints (God's consecrated ones),

⁵Because of the hope [of experiencing what is] laid up ^]reserved and waiting) for you in heaven. Of this [hope] you heard in the past in the message of the truth of the Gospel,

---

I think that just blew my mind.
Faith in Jesus - Leaning our ENTIRE personality on Him in ABSOLUTE trust and confidence in His power, wisdom and goodness.

Now there's a challenge if I ever heard one! To lean our entirety on who He is.
And not what we want. Or think should happen. Or what life throws our way.
Just on who He is.
He is constant.
And stable.
And secure.
And More Than Enough.

inspired discoveries

You know when you listen to a song you love... but you'd almost forgotten about... but then hear it and are blown away... again?
And it's funny how a song can take you to different places and memories.

Also.... isn't it crazy how you can be going through so much on the inside... so much change and painful (but beautiful) heart surgery... yet be so inspired and excited?!

I love that it's 2:30am and I just got hungry.
It's funny that I'm awake right now. I'm tired... but even more excited. Weird.

I'm glad that I'm not bored with life anymore. I'm glad I'm not sitting at home all day doing nothing but perusing the facebook world...!
I don't have a job yet, but time is being used and not wasted.

It's funny how I can be so vulnerable and sensitive but seemingly at the same time so disconnected yet so inspired, so irritated... so peaceful... So challenged... so tired... so rested, secure yet desperate for more...so complete yet so raw...

The time has come to stand for all we believe in.

If everything I said was a lyric, what song would I be singing?

It's sad to me that some Christians do not know the reality of God.

I like meeting new people. I am always wondering about people's life stories.

What does collision theory mean? I wrote it into a song... but I'm not even sure it makes any sense.

I can't stop listening to John and aLie's myspaces.

Tomorrow is pancake day. My favourite pancakes are probably ones with nutella... i don't like lemon and sugar.

I'm meeting an old friend for coffee tomorrow. I'm excited for starbucks!

I just realised part of why I'm awake... Tonight at band practise Tina made some epic coffee...

I can't wait to get a new camera! I don't know how or when... but I just know I can't wait.

The Bible College students from church are leaving for India in a couple of hours... They'll be gone for 3 weeks... It'll be weird not having them around... but I just know that God is going to do some amazingly epic things in their hearts while they're away...

I just figured out that I am craving a ham and chip (crisps) sandwich... lol!

GOD IS SO GOOD!
Just all the time.
Even when I'm not... especially when I'm not.

These past couple of days I've been re-reading 2 Corinthians 12... It's sweet.

Especially the bit:

^7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

(2 Corinthians 12:7-10 The Message)

I feel as though I'm always just learning and re-learning how to "let Christ take over..." certain situations... but what a Beautiful lesson to learn and discovery to find!

Driving in the fast lane.

So, I was going through some old journals and I found an entry from friday 31st october...
I had just taken Nadine to Stansted airport... I'd got back NY the week before and Nadine had spent the week at my house...
So this is my entry. It made me laugh.

3:15pm
I'm driving on the M25 (That's one of the main motorways/highways in England)
I just dropped Nadine off at Stansted and have to rush home cause mum needs the car at 5.
This is a good time (well, sort of...!) to process and I was just thinking in rhyme so I thought what better time and place to make an attempt at my spoken word mission than while I'm driving in the fast lane?!

I am human.
I have flaws.
There are still major parts of my character which are so torn,
kind of like my favourite pair of jeans, really...
Sometimes I chew my gum too loud.
Sometimes my problem is that I am being selfish and proud.
As I tranfer the ink of this pen to this paper,
time is ticking - it's getting later and later.
I look at the clock. It's 3:37...
It would be.
I have a deadline.
I have to be at a certain place at a certain time.
And everytime I get into the rhythm of writing this rhyme
I realise that I look like I'm talking to myself.
I've been thinking.
Thinking past jeans and past gum...
Thinking about the one who sees me through eyes
filled with mercy and love.
I've been thinking
and
I wish I could adaquately and eloquently
capture with words
a glimpse of who He is.
But alas.
I cannot.
There is too much that my finite mind couldn't understand
even if I tried.

So, it definately is unfinished. And random. But so is writing whilst driving. And it's a very stupid idea. Which I will not repeat. I hope my mum doesn't ever read this =P

I have so much to write. I really need to sleep though. It's been a loooonnngg couple of weeks.
I just came online cause I had some Israel Houghton songs in my head that I needed to get out of my system before trying to sleep!

God's goodness blows my mind.

The last couple of days have been intense. And hard. But I'm dealing with things. Not just over analysing, and not thinking about the how to of actually dealing with things... I'm being productive haha! And freaking A. It's hard. And I'm having to deal with more things than I even knew existed... which is intense. And I feel raw. And hyper sensitive. And like I want to cry and never stop because of what has been unjust and is not fair. But that's neither practical or beneficial. I guess I'm at the stage inbetween knowing and doing what it means to truly take captive thoughts and feelings.
And sometimes I can feel myself almost shutting myself off, even in... especially in... group settings... more than I can remember doing before... But I'm clinging on with everything I am, with everything I have because i WILL have victory.
I'm determined to ride this wave out. I don't even think that's a phrase. If it's not, it should be =P
I just got off the phone a little while ago with a friend and we didnt even talk about specific things that are going on in eachother's lives... Mostly we talked about the goodness of God.
It made me remember all the incredible things He's done already... and excited for the outcome of this season. And excited to be in it.

My laptop's about to die and I left the charger in my room (I'm sat out in the hallway so I don't disturb Tish and Smucker who are both sleeping in there -It's after 1:30am)

so I'm gonna post this and go to bed.

God's goodness is more than enough.
When that starts to sink in, it's enough to flood me with a crazy kind of excitement and joy.

None of the rubbish matters... God does.

"Though trouble's hard, it's only momentary."

Listen to the song "There is a Day - Phatfish."

The song, The verse. The revelation, The book.The dinner, The prayer

it's not enough to see you a few times a week
it's not enough to find you occasionally
and there's a lonliness i can't begin to hide
until i have you by my side

it's not enough to tell you without any proof
if i don't live to show you the words i say are true
and there's an emptiness i can't get to subside
until i let you come inside

CHORUS:
i'm giving you my heart
i'm giving you my soul
i'm giving you my love
forever
i'm giving you my world
all i have is yours
i'm giving you my love
forever

it's not enough to give you the pieces of me
if i don't find surrender to be my everything
and there's a passion that i can't begin to hide
when you have made me so alive

That's the song I'm listening to right now... "Forever - Christa Black."

"Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God."

That's what God has been reminding me these last few days... Psalm 46:10. I've heard it SO many times... It's one of those almost cliche verses that can sometimes almost lose it's meaning...
"Let be and be still..."
For me, that's God reminding me to take all my circumstances and feelings and unanswered questions and my constant need to understand why and how things are happening and... just let them be...
I think sometimes it's easy for me to get so caught up in life (and all that comes with it!) that I forget to live.
God's challenging me once again to just "recognize and understand" that He is God! Maybe I even forget what that means sometimes too... That God is God and I am not...
I don't need to always understand why things happen when or why they do... I just have to trust.

–noun

1.	reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2.	confident expectation of something; hope.

3.	confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods receive

I love that it's a noun too. A naming word. God is trust.

Snow.

That's one of the revelations I had today.
I was stood in the kitchen looking out at the garden (or back yard for you americans =P)
and the snow which fell at the beginning of the week had melted pretty much everywhere... except within the fences of our garden... And the snow was so white. And so deep!
And everywhere except under the trampoline was white. There's a circle of green grass under that. (and No, I have never been on the trampoline...!)
And I was just thinking about how God can cover all of us... except the parts we're covering up ourselves.
I mean, the trampoline has snow too... and if you looked with a birds eye view it would probably look more like the whole garden was covered... but when you are level with it, when you are closer, you can see that even though the snow fell, there is still a part untouched...
I guess it reminded me that if I want God to completely cover me with love, grace... integrity, peace, change... I need to give Him full access to all of me.
God is All Knowing, All Powerful and All Loving... but one thing He will not do is mess with our free will... our choices... therefore to some degree, He can't do what we don't let Him.

Sometimes it's hard to know how.
Sometimes it's hard to know the balance between what we need to do and what we just need to let Him do.

Scarlet Thread - Francine Rivers

That's the book I started and finished today. 4 hours. I couldn't stop reading. I've read it before.... but it was like reading it for the first time.

I'm going to a ball next week. I'm excited. But nervous.
Sometimes I get in the way of Me having fun.
Except it kind of doesn't sound like fun... Getting dressed up isn't something I normally do.
And I hope hope hope nobody tries to make me dance...

Sweet potatoes and salad

That's what's for dinner tonight.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into eternity

That's the song that's on now. And that's my prayer.