First Post (An Original Title, I'm Sure)

So, I guess I've joined the world of online journalling of sorts....
I'm making no commitments though =P
I can't promise how often I'll update on here.

I've been back in England for 10 days now and am an official bum. I have no job. I have no money. I'm constantly feeling different things and thinking about 37 things at the same time!
At the moment its about 11pm and I'm sat in the kitchen... The washing machine's washing, the tap's dripping... The fruit bowl is full for once and I'm listening to aLie Richardson on myspace.
Awesome singer/songwriter.

Tonight I've been trying to figure out how I'm going to get from JFK to ROC on 22nd... I arrive at 10:30pm and the flight leaves at 10:35... so I miss that...
Other option is a greyhound bus from NYC at 1:15, meaning i have to figure out how to get there from the airport and whether a girl on her own travelling through the city is a good idea...

When I first got back here I wanted to turn straight back around and go back to little Hamlin and build a nice little life there... Surely it'd be easier in such a godly, healthy and growing atmosphere?!
But I guess I decided to listen to what God's been saying. Not just hear, to listen. And do.
i think for a while I've felt that this is a season to be here. Get involved with church. Build solid friendships here. My closest friends (bar one) live all over the globe... which is fine by me, it's not like I dont have friends here.. but its on SUCH different levels... I guess I don't know how to explain...
Most people here don't really know me...
I cant wait for Freya to come back!
6 weeks to go.

On tuesday/wednesday I stayed at Auntie Carol's house in London. Nadine (switzerland) was with me too.
On Tuesday afternoon my mum, Nadine, Auntie Lyn and Auntie Carol and I were sat at the kitchen table and they started asking me about what my plans were and all kinds of stuff.. I didn't really have many satisfactory answers for them cause I genuinely don't have anything set in stone... Get a job, get money, get out of debt, be involved with church... see what's next....
They were asking how what I'm doing is contributing towards my ministry and calling....
Then they told me that they felt I needed to come home. To come home not just physically but mentally and in my heart... To be here. To get foundations. Cause if there was not strong foundations, my territories couldn't be enlarged... That I shouldn't go out there for any more "heart healing" cause its time to build towards my ministry.

So I find myself caught in some kind of (sometimes) seemingly contradictory situation.
I'm home... I've changed in SO many ways. I can't even put into words what happened while I was in New York. I havn't had a chance to process most of it.
But even though God did such a huge work in my heart, I find myself overwhelmed at times with my bad attitudes at home!
I'm struggling somewhat with not comparing things and people and situations.
The only time I've felt at ease and excited about being back was at church (morning and evening) on sunday just gone...

I pray that God would use me in every place that I step foot... but mostly that I would be the same at home as I am when I'm in the places I feel most comfortable...
I pray that I would be changed and transformed and that as God takes me deeper and furthur in Him, that my heart would become more thankful and grateful and less selfish!
I want to radiate His glory and goodness and faithfulness even on a bad day!